A baby shower is a lovely little soiree and I’m here for it! I think there were more people at our baby shower than at our wedding. I went a little overboard. It stems from in-utero insecurity…

What do I mean? Well, when my mother was pregnant with me, my grandmother planned her a big, beautiful baby shower. My mom was working at her first and only office job at the time and my grandmother managed to invite all my mom’s coworkers. The day of the party, my grandma had prepared all the baby shower fixings and decorations, food galore, and party games at the ready.

Literally no one showed up.

I think it scarred me for life. And so when it came time for my baby shower for my first baby, I overcompensated and invited like 100 people, and they all RSVP’d yes. Also, I hosted it myself at my house (my bff had moved and my mom is shy, as you can imagine) when I was 36 weeks pregnant. I do not recommend inviting 100 people to your baby shower and planning it alone and hosting it at your house. You will need to sleep for a few days to recover.

But, this is about Mother Blessings, not baby showers. While they are wonderful, they are a bit impersonal. It really is a celebration for the baby; giving gifts to the baby, playing games related to the baby, talking about the baby.

A mother blessing is about …the MOTHER. She is celebrated by her closest girlfriends and confidants. It’s intimate and homemade, and time is spent honoring the relationships the mother to be has with the people she loves and trusts. There are many different rituals that can be performed or it can be less structured and just an informal gathering with the focus on the mom.

The point is to honor her journey and give her support, love, advice, hold space for her to reach the end of her pregnancy adventure, her labyrinth of labor, and her transition into Motherhood.

Picture of mom surrounded by love from friends putting their hands on her pregnancy bump. — Image: Full Circle Harmony

Sometimes a Mother Blessing is for a mother who has had previous losses and is about to meet their rainbow baby. Sometimes it’s for a mother who is scared for her labor to come and who needs to hear from friends that they support her and will honor her no matter how her birth unfolds. For whatever reason you have a Mother Blessing, they are so very special.

When I offer to lead these, I meet with the mother to be to talk about what rituals she would like included. There are a variety to choose from, but I encourage every Mother Blessing to include the following:

-Homemade Feast

Homemade food is good for the soul at mother blessings. Fresh picked home grown flowers adorn the table as well.

Friends can bring their homecooked offerings for all to enjoy. This is also a good time for girlfriends to check in with the mother to be to see if she has any diet restrictions and what her favorite foods are. This is the first step in having her community show up for her postpartum with those amazing gifts of food when she’s in the thick of the newborn haze.

My best friend showed up for me big time postpartum. She drove from hours away with a cooler full of freezer food she had prepared for me. Over the first few weeks postpartum, those stuffed shells, the corn chowder, and black bean quesadillas were heavenly. The last thing a newly postpartum mom wants to do is expend the mental energy on figuring out what to eat, what you need to make it, cook it, and clean it up afterwards. Giving the gift of postpartum meals is honestly pure love.

For the Mother Blessing, potluck style is my favorite. But if you are a guest and a busy mama, or cooking is not your deal, Costco has some great premade options too! LOL.

-Letters to the Mother-to-be (or mother-to-be-again)

These are written by her closest friends before the event to be read sitting across from the mother to be. It is an extremely emotionally intimate moment, tender and intense, but beautiful and moving.

The group also sits in a circle. The circle represents many things including the circle of life- grandmother, mother, and pregnant daughter. It represents the tight knit circle of friendship and love the guests share with one another; the circle of sisterhood in our journeys around the sun living as women in this life.

There is a shared understanding between the guests- a mutual respect for one another and the coming together to celebrate the birthing person. The letters should be a celebration of what the mother-to-be has meant to you through your life, building up her confidence to be ready for her labor and the trials of motherhood.

Some women write down their birth story in these and share them. Lots of tears (happy and sad) can be shed. It is about deep emotional connection and loving one another.

These letters are not those sweet Hallmark cards. They are a treasure of memories, advice, affirmations, and joy. These are ones the mama will keep for life (I kept all my hallmark cards too because I’m a sentimental hoarder).

-Take Home Candle

This tradition is so beautiful. Once a upon a time, I was a 20something in grad school. I spent a lot of time researching and writing. One of those late nights in the stacks at the library, I came across the name of a Roman Goddess I hadn’t heard of before: Candelifera. There are various other goddesses connected to motherhood and childbirth. But I loved Candelifera’s myth. She was said to oversee the labor and protect mothers and babies, providing literal light in times of darkness. More babies are born in the middle of the night than at any other time of day. Seems like that was true even in ancient Rome.

We think this happens because women are given more privacy and peace in the middle of the night, which relaxes them more, releases oxytocin, and allows things to progress, undisturbed.

At any rate, I love this ritual because I like to think of Candelifera and how she represents the profound light every new child brings to the world. Women leave the event with their candles and light them once they know the mother is in labor to send good labor vibes and support to the mom, from near and far.

-Red Thread Ritual

I love this one so much! I first saw the power of the red thread when I was in the Peace Corps in Ukraine. We all tied a bit of this red thread to our baggage so we could grab each other’s bags from the carousel. Such a simple gesture, but all my bags get the same red thread, all these years later when I travel. It’s all about community and supporting each other.

For the mother blessing, in a circle, we weave each guest’s wrist with thread. Guests are physically and energetically connecting to the mother’s journey, creating a circle of love, support, shared intentions, and wisdom.

In this, we honor the line of all the women who came before us, all who birthed before us, and all who will follow in our steps. The red thread is a physical memento of the undeniable inner strength we possess as women, individually and as a community. Once the circle is complete, the cord is cut and tied into individual bracelets.

The group is encouraged to wear their red thread until the baby is born or during her labor. It is a beautiful reminder to think of the mother and hold her in your heart.

Why Red thread?

Red is the chosen color for several reasons. It symbolizes the life force and feminine energy the mother can call upon during labor. It is a reminder of the collective strength of the women supporting her.

Additionally, red is the color of the root chakra. The pelvis is our base- it is the place where each human started. Our original cradle.

Pelvis a cradle over the water under the setting sun with baby

That is the root chakra—a place of stability, our foundation, our connection to the Earth. This energy is especially important during birth, as it helps the mother stay rooted, calm, and connected to the process of birth.

The red thread, tied with love and intention, serves as an energetic link to the mother’s grounding energy. Literally, rooted in the present moment and connected to the earth. Through each contraction, feeling grounded will help so much—feeling connected to the women who love you, who loved you into this world, will help so much.

As a sound bath practitioner, I would be remiss if I didn’t bring up the connection between the root chakra and low tones. Those deep, guttural sounds, like the primal birth song so many mothers sing, keep your pelvic floor relaxed! Making those noises can be deeply soothing and/or empowering, helping the birthing person find their rhythm through the waves of labor.

-Pampering Ritual

What will make anyone’s birth better is the ability to relax through the contractions. Part of pampering the mother to be with massage and love is to show her how she is capable of deeply relaxing. I’m talking melting down into the Earth like some prehistoric dino turned to literal liquid, warm and supported by the space around you. The ecstasy of just existing, surrounded by support.

When I was pregnant, one of my friends gave me a bottle of homemade oil Dhanwantharam oil. She was originally from India and told me how women there pamper each other before the birth. She had given birth in the US a few year previously and was sad she never had that community around her then. It was the sweetest gesture and my husband gave me many a foot rub with that lovely oil.

If you’re not a person that enjoys foot rubs, we can stay away from your feet! A nice hand massage, shoulder rub, and/or scalp massage can feel so relaxing. Some of these things can then be used during the labor!

There are many more options or rituals, but those are my favorite. Beyond the food, bonding, and pampering, when I’m hosting, I include a meditation for peace for the remainder of the pregnancy, into labor, and through postpartum. When interested, I also offer a sound bath meditation.

A sound bath is a powerful way to connect with yourself and go into deep relaxation, creating a peaceful atmosphere and emotional release. Each sound bath is a unique experience meant to be soothing and mediative- imagine lying back and letting the harmonies of sound wash over you like gentle waves. The crystal bowls and various instruments act to melt away tension, quiet the mind, and release any stress. During the sound bath, you should feel as though your entire body and the room around you has become a sanctuary, a safe place to be yourself and let go of any tensions, enveloped in sound.

Some people set intentions before the sound bath begins- for the expectant mother, I would suggest an intention about the experience bringing peace, clarity, and strength for the birthing journey ahead. For the guests, I would suggest they open their hearts to the nurturing energy within the room and absorb and radiate that love out and back to the mother-to-be.

Every Mother Blessing has its own style and cadence, and I work hard to make every aspect catered to fit the mother-to-be’s personality and wishes.

A note on aesthetics: you do not need to have an Instagram story picture perfect ceremony. It isn’t about how it looks. It’s about how you feel when the ceremony is happening and afterwards. When I host these, I will bring my prayer flags from Tibet because they always add a splash of beautiful color (these flew at my wedding as well) and I really love what they represent. We can make things look great without going crazy materialistic and spending a million dollars. It’s about the ceremony, not the aesthetic.

One more note on Mother Blessing vs Blessing Way: “The term 'Blessingway' refers to a sacred spiritual ceremony performed by the Navajo people to celebrate rites of passage that occur throughout the entire life cycle, and not only the passage into motherhood. They suggested the term 'Mother Blessing' was a more appropriate term for a ceremony that was influenced, and respectful, of this tradition, but not practiced in accordance with the Navajo faith and culture.”

I hope you consider holding a Mother Blessing for yourself or your pregnant friend/sister/family member. Baby showers are wonderful, but Mother Blessings are just different and leave everyone feeling more connected. Maybe that’s because they are so much smaller and more intimate, but I think the rituals really do connect people on a deeper level than a baby shower can. It’s just one more way to celebrate the person growing that baby and the ways in which her life is about to change. I really do see pregnant women as walking goddess, creating life. There is something so special about being around and honoring that scared energy of creation.

Please reach out if you have any questions! I love being able to do these and would be honored to host yours! I am the only doula and certified sound healing practitioner in the Annapolis area offering these services.

Curious about Sound Baths? There is a donation based sound bath every Sunday at 2pm at Magnolia Wellness in Severna Park, MD. Hope to see you there!